Herpes Doctor

I have been living with genital herpes for almost 17 years (I was only 19 when my [then] boyfriend cheated on me and passed it along). In all that time, I have very few issues with it—until now.

I have always been a long-term relationship person—my last one was for nine years. That ended January 2006. I have had many dates (dinner, movies, plays, etc.) and was in one serious relationship since then. Now I am in a whole new ballgame.

I have met someone I really connect with, feel that it can really go somewhere, and respect and love him. I have told him I have genital herpes (no oral and want to keep it that way), which he took as you might expect but was truly amazing in the bigger picture. I care so deeply for this person that it terrifies me to my core to even think about the possibility that I could pass this along.

Consequently, when I know we are going to be together (having dinner to hanging out on the weekend to having sex) I start having raging symptoms. Literally, within minutes of thinking about it I can feel all sorts of horrible symptoms from nerve pain, itching, concentrated (pulsating) pain in certain spots, etc.

I am obsessed with checking to see if I am having an outbreak (nothing ever shows up). I pop Valtrex like it is from a Pez dispenser (not a good idea because at five a day you get unbelievably agitated and aggressive—not to mention hair loss [but that is another subject matter]) and it does not change—short or long term—any of the “symptoms” I am feeling. When we part company, the symptoms immediately go away.

Case in point, he is out of town right now and I have felt perfectly fine. In the five minutes I have been typing this I feel like a full-blown breakout.

It seems to me that my brain and body are working against me, hence the “Psychosomatic Symptoms—Is it in my Head?” header. I admit that this obvious to any first-year psych major, but I am more concerned with hearing from others in my situation that have maybe had this experience.

I am scheduled for an appointment with my gynecologist for my yearly and plan on discussing this with him. But I am reaching out to this community because I feel in my gut that I am not the only one who has experienced something like this.

If you are selling something, please move on. If you truly know what I am experiencing, I really want to hear from you.

Thank you for reading thus far and I appreciate any help you can give me.