Herpes Doctor

Hi philb1959,

It is not that common, but not unheard of, that your wife contracted Genital Herpes before you and her got together. The Genital Herpes virus can be latent for a very long time. And to answer what might be your next question, no, it is not possible to trace the source of your wife's Genital Herpes. I obviously can't give you a guarantee that you isn't having an affair, but Genital Herpes is not a proof that she is.

It may seem strange to you that you never got Genital Herpes from your wife. We are not sure why, but in some couples it seems that it is possible to keep the uninfected partner Herpes free - if you take precautions, ie abstain during outbreaks and the infected partner takes antiviral medication.

Read more in our Genital Herpes FAQ.

Kind regards,

iv

Thanks very much for your response - I am very concerned about contacting herpes, I have never used condoms, or any other protection. I have remained faithful to her all these years. We have been having sex and oral sex 2 - 3 times per week. After her first outbreak we were both tested, and I tested negative. How often should I get tested? Should I be using condoms? Her Dr. handled everything, and didn't say anything to me about what I need to do to avoid infection. I guess I find it very hard to believe she acquired this before we got together (April 1979!) and I am very depressed about the whole thing.

Hello again,

I really do feel for you, and although I have no way of knowing, I hope you wife is telling the truth.

We have a new article on how to live with Herpes and some practical advice also. You should avoid sex during outbreaks but be aware that you can still get it outside outbreak periods so condoms are a good idea. I can't really advice on how often you should get tested. But I do think you should see a doctor (not your gp, a specialist, an STD clinic for example) to get advice about this.

Kind regards,

iv

It is unlikely that she had it since before you were married and that it laid dormant for 25 years. The most I've ever heard was 10 years of dormant undetected HSV infection, but that was RARE. Most people see an outbreak between 1 week and 2 months of contracting it. The worst outbreaks are usually at the beginning.

If I was not infected with it, and my wife of 25 years suddenly got it, I'd strongly suspect that she had a fling and got it from that. All it takes is one quickie at the right time, and you can get it.
While I am not suggesting you get all crazy and freak out on her, I do think you should explore the possibility. She should come clean with you.
Either way, you should get her on Acyclovir or Valtrex ASAP and have her take it every day. If you use condoms, you'll most likely NEVER get it. If you should slip up and bone her w/o a condom, your chances can still be slim that you'll get it.
Best of luck.

i have genital herpes, and have for over 20 years. I was married for 10 years, and the virus was never passed to my ex (husband at the time). We took precautions. I found the pill aggravated the outbreaks, so we used condoms. The only time we didnt was when I was trying to get pregnant. Since we've split up, which was 10 years ago, Í've had a number of sex partners and never passed the virus. Most of the time I used condoms, as that was the method of birth control. The recommendation is that now that your wife has been diagnosed, you should use condoms until she is familiar with her symptoms. The theory is that when you are symptom free you wont pas the virus. This has been the case for me.

Good luck. Its a very emotionally challenging thing to have herpes. The unfair thing is the stigma. If you and your wife are happy and compatible, that is most important. Hope my comments help.

YOU ARE HANDS DOWN WRONG !!!!

Herpes can so lay dormant that long and it often does !!! you can read about it, and you can also go to a good reputable STD clinic and any knowledgable doctor will tell you that. Im not talking about a family doctor. Im talking about a DOctor that deals with STD's everyday. you have no right telling this man what you told him, you could easily have broken up a good marriage because of your words of ignorance. they may have kids, grandkids...etc.......... THINK before you type such crap!!!
Where are the moderators of this forum? Question go days before they are answered, some never answered at all, and nothing is done about the bogus info this person offers.

When I was diagnosed with herpes (during my senior year of college) I had been abstinent for over a year. To this day I am not sure exactly how long I had been infected with herpes before I actually had symptoms and went to the doctor. If you trust your wife, you should believe her and work through this together. At the time I was diagnosed, I was in a serious relationship, with a person that I cared a lot for. At the time, I felt that he would not believe that I had not contracted it by cheating on him, so I chickened out, broke up with him and never told him why. Our relationship was new, but I still wonder what would have happened if I had told him my situation. It is a regret I have to live with, but you don't...
Incidentally I found out later that one of my best friends also has herpes, and she has not had an outbreak for going on 12 years...everyone's immune system is different (so you can't judge when she got infected by when she developed symptoms).

I've had herpes for 26 years. I caught it at 16 from a stripper while playing in a rock band in the 80's. Keep these things in mind: 1. Your test may have been a false negative. 2. Granted, more women carry the virus than men, however, you could have very well given it to her. 3. She could have had an affair... but let me tell you, if so, herpes wasn't the cause, so there may be an unrelated deeper relationship/trust problem. She could have had it the entire time, unknown to you, but never had the heart to tell you. I gave it to my x-wife, so know, it's terrible tough to tell someone you dare not lose, that you're infected. Give her a break even before all the evidence is in. 4. Do you love her? Do you trust her? If so, who cares what happened, or guessing what or when. If you don't, then you have deeper issues to consider. If you feel you can't trust her, you're screwed. Either by your own mistrust, or her conduct. As a final, forgive. Few people understand the power of forgiveness and love, but I insist you embrace the Grace that God extends to you.

Sincerely,

Kalen
SA, TX

I recently realized that I had my first herpes outbreak when I was about 10 years old, all over the outside of my mouth. I had another outbreak about a year or so later. I thought it was poison oak. Ten years later I was diagnosed with genital herpes, but the guy who I had been with never had symptoms before. I assumed something had transferred from his or my mouth to the genitals (the downside of oral sex!). So...perhaps neither you nor your wife ever had genital herpes before, but had it in your mouth all this time. Things happen to our bodies over time. Our hormone levels change and our tolerances change. Just remember this: number one cause of an outbreak is STRESS!, particularly relationship stress. So if you want to prevent more outbreaks, relax and be supportive of each other. If you have other reason to doubt her fidelity, maybe look at that, but don't assume infidelity due to a herpes outbreak. By the way, better to take lysine every day rather than the prescription drugs...they cause liver damage!

I just found out that I have gh, of course devastated, it was latent for who knows how long, I may have given it to my boyfriend since we had sex during the "warning" stage but I didn't know what it was. So now I am trying to figure out what other supplements besides lysine I should take to help prevent outbreaks and transmitting it to him. I don't like prescription drugs, though they have me on valtrex for 10 days and I'm taking it. I started taking lysine, St. john's wort, and other immune boosters such as zinc and selenium, and I think I will also try red marine algae. Does anyone have experience with the natural oils sold on aoils.com, that supposedly treat and prevent? That looks promising to me, but I don't know... there are probably many of those things on the internet that are a scam. Any advice and experience is greatly appreciated!