I enjoyed reading your post although it brought tears to my eyes and I am still crying as I type this. These are tears that I have been holding back all day long. I found out today that I have Herpes Type 2 and like others when they discovered they had it, I am truly devastated. I'm a 39 year old female and I've never had an STD before and of all things, I end up with something I can't even get rid of. I am still in a "I'm dreaming" state and I keep waiting for the phone to ring hoping that it is someone from my doctor's office calling to tell me there has been a mistake and that I don't have Herpes. That has actually happened before when I was mistakenly told I had Clymydia(sp?) and received a call later saying that I didn't have any STDs. You were totally right when you said that herpes is a big blow to our (at least for me) sense of self and sense of validity as a person that others can relate to. That is exactly the way I feel. At this point I feel that I can relate to noone and I can already feel that I am going to shut down and exclude everyone from my world, even my 13 year old child. Although I haven't seen him today, I'm dreading what life may be like when I see him tomorrow: is it okay to touch him; what if he wanted to use my bathroom; what would he think if he knew; is it okay to kiss him; I'm a poor example. Maybe the more I learn about Herpes the more at ease I will become but I truly don't see at ease in the near future. Your post, although I'm still crying, does make me feel a little better. It could have happened to anyone. I was just an unlucky one I guess. I hope that as I read more posts I will not succumb to a life of depression and a new found alcoholism, but instead learn how to still enjoy living.

Oh gosh. Was moved to write by reading these two posts. I am 29. My first symptom showed up about 5 years ago. The gyno said "It may be genital herpes. we'll call you." And that's all he said. I bawled for about 2 days. The result was negative, but after 3 negative tests and 3 years of thinking this was ingrown hairs, my symptoms finally became more "traditional" and I have never had a positive test (swab test that is - I never bothered with a blood test) to this day, but I definitely have it.

It felt horrible when I finally found out. It was about three months before my wedding and I had to tell my fiancee (now my husband) about it. He was wonderful and really supportive. Truthfully it has been more of a problem for me. I actually had an outbreak on our honeymoon if you can believe that.

I think the worst part, yes, is feeling somehow . . . dirty, damaged, or like you're being punished for sexual irresponsiblity or something. I still don't know how or when I got herpes or from whom.

I know I am fortunate that I don't have to worry about being rejected because of it in terms of dating and that, but it was also bad having to tell my future husband. I mean, what if he HAD freaked out and called off the wedding. That was tough and I was a mess for a while.

The good news is, eventually, like everything else, you get through it. I feel that tingle in my leg and I think "oh, crud, another outbreak". I don't cry or feel ashamed anymore. In fact, I'm having one right now, hence my visit here. I'm currently looking for herbal therapies that might help as Valtrex is so expensive and gives me headaches. It is aggravating, now, to me and nothing more.

I think definitely that getting herpes was for me a wake-up call. It made me seriously rethink my sexual habits as I had had my fair share of one-nighters. I always used condoms except in a serious relationship, but I got it anyway. Since I had my first symptom and found out I might have herpes, my next and last sexual partner has been my husband. So in a way, it can be a positive thing, even if it doesn't feel that way. If you tell a prospective boyfriend/sexual partner and they run away screaming, then they didn't deserve your trust. I think..."an invitation to mature" is an excellent way to describe herpes. I have a friend who calls it "being in the club", but your description is far more poetic, drcoolhand.

Foreverchanged, you did not say if you were married or in a relationship. It sounds like maybe you are not as you made no reference to discussing it with a partner or husband. I think it is really important that you get as educated as possible and then you will know what is or isn't risky in terms of spreading it to other people that you live with. My husband and I have been living together for 3 years now and he has not contracted it or at least has had no symptoms.

Also, try to open up to someone you trust about it or join a support group. I did not join a support group, but a friend of mine goes to one and she found it very helpful and made friends there. She says they do have serious talk time, but they also make it a social occasion, have dinners and such and it's fun, not depressing. And liberating to be able to talk about it to people who understand. I have told quite a few friends and my mother about it. The thing I found was that once you start telling people you have it, they end up opening up to you about what they have (often, (gasp!) herpes). I've had 5 people confess to me that they have it, after I told them I did. Now, I'm not suggesting to run around blabbing it, but for me it was helpful to talk about it and I felt like I might be able to help someone else learn more and maybe keep them from getting it. I never knew before how EASY it is to get and how many people have it.

So...hang in there....you're going to be fine.

I was diagnosed a few days ago with gential herpes. I am only 21 years old and I feel absolutely ashamed of myself. I don't really know what to do...I don't want to tell anyone because I am petrified of the stigma that comes along with it. Who the heck is going to want to date me if they know that I have herpes? I read some of your comments about people not being deserving if they walk away...but before I was diagnosed I think I would have been one of those people. I have so many questions constantly flowing through my mind...and I don't know where to go for the answers. I guess that is why I am here...looking for anyone that is willing to talk to me and let me know what my life with herpes is going to be like. I am so scared...I have cried every day since I found out. I wish I could talk to my best friends about it...but I am way too embaressed. I don't know one person with herpes...I am disgusted with myself right now...I wish I knew where I got it...but my doctor said that it can stay dorment in your system for years...so I guess I will never know. I think that is one of the most frusterating things about it...that and that there is no cure. I hope there is someone out there who is willing to give up a bit of their time to answer my questions and help me out...because right now I feel so alone...I feel like I have this horrible secret and I don't know what to do with it...I need to accept that I have herpes...I was not emotionally ready for something like this...somebody please be my friend.

Hi All.

Drcoolhand: I totally agree. However, to get to the mentality you have takes a LONG time! The psychological damage herpes brings to a person really knocks you down. The road to recovery is a long hard one, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems SOOOOO far away. The good news, I believe, is that with sites like this one where people can talk and share feelings adn experiences, really provides herpes people who are suffereing with some HOPE, and HOPE feels really good.

spywryder: I am really encouraged by your e-mail, especially about the part when you had to tell your fiance about your herpes BEFORE you married him! He must be a real catch because a good man will accept you no matter what! I've had good experiences with partners being supportive of my condition. The man I am with right now is supportive and accepting...hopefully he's a keeper and a non-contractor like your husband!

New2this and foreverchanged: hang in there! the beginning is always the most difficult part. denial, feeling ashamed, feelign not wanted, etc, are really knock-you-down feelings to have. you will both be fine. there are A LOT of people out there who will accept you no matter what. be selective of the people you choose (new2this) and don't think family members, like a brother, child, will stop unconditionally loving you (foreverchanged). If someone changes the way they feel about you just becuase of a stupid, EXTREMELY common skin irritation, then they don't deserve to be with someone like you anyway; you're too good for people who do that (foreverchanged: i'm sure your son will love you no matter what! :) ). when you come across someone who doesn't judge you, then you know he/she is a respectable, trusting, honest person; someone who deserves a very UNIQUE person like you! besides, i like to think of it as this: if one if five people have herpes, the other four are BOUND to have something anyway (like what about all other STD statistics, cancer (how horrible would THAT be? not that i'd want that or herpes on anyone!), physical disabilities,...ETC. there are so many "imperfections" out there). so, we are all UNIQUE people; just UNIQUE in different ways. those who are accepting realize this and don't judge one another as we are all guilty, ashamed, embarassed, etc, of something!

It is good to hear some words of encouragement...I really appreciate it, snowbunny74. I am so scared right now and it is good to know that at some point, whenever that may be, I will be able to except this. Is it true that the only time it is catchy is when there is a breakout, right before, and right after? I heard that sometimes you can have a breakout and not even know it...is that true? I am scared of what my future sex life will be like...is oral sex out of the question now? Someone please tell me this isn't so.

I was in a relationship with a guy off and on for about a year and a half. At one point in our relationship he had talked of the fact that he used to have cold sores on his mouth really bad when he was young. He never said it was Herpes and I didn't know at the time that cold sores were Herpes. When I found out I was HSV2 positive, he was the first person that I called as he had been my last partner. We had last been intimate about two weeks before my outbreak. We had broken up after our last encounter. When I called him to tell him I tested positive for HSV2, he then told me that he in deed had as he put it "a form of Herpes, Herpes type 1". He said that from time to time he took Valtrex for it. He stated that he had never performed oral sex on me while he was having an outbreak. Since his dishonesty was one of the things that caused our relationship to end, I certainly couldn't believe that he was never intimate with me while he was having an outbreak. The fact that he took Valtrex made me wonder if he actually has type 2 as well. I certainly do not profess to know a lot about Herpes and Herpes medications but I thought Valtrex was for people with Herpes Type 2. So I even suspect that maybe he has type two 2 as well. I recall an instance in which he said that he had cuts/tears around the head of his penis which he says was caused by the fact that he was not circumcised and the skin around the head of his penis would dry out during winter months causing the tears. I now wonder if he was having an outbreak then. As I said, he wasn't of the highest integrity so everything he says is questionable. I guess whether or not I got it from him or not it is water over the bridge now. I've got it and can't get rid of it. The more educated I become about the virus, the better I feel but then there are still a number of days that I am just so depressed. Thank God I have a new man in my life who told me that he had some knowledge of the virus and wasn't afraid of it. If it wasn't for him and a close childhood friend, I probably would really be a mess right now. The support and knowledge found on this site helps tremendously as well.

I was diagnosted with HSV yesterday. After the doctor called me with the good news that my culture came back HSV negative I was relieved. Three days later she called to tell me that my blood test came back possitive. I just held the phone in disbelief. I always read about it, i've seen pictures, but i never imagined that I would come in contact with this virus. I'm so emotional and I'm trying my best to cope with it. I told my fiance, and he did not turn his back on me. Instead he looked at it as a situation that we have to deal with. My first emotion was anger. I was angry at him, but I soon realized that anger would not help me at all. I'm 21 years old, and I'm in my last semester of college, but I feel defeated. I feel like I can never live a normal life. In one day my whole outlook of my life changed. I've been crying my eyes out, and even though I know that crying won't help the situation, I can't stop... The most frustraiting aspect of it all is wondering what my life will be like from now on. What's next?

It will be ok because life goes on with or without herpes. You get to a point of growth in your life were you realize that you are worth just as much as anyone else who doesn't herpes. I found out I was diagnosed 9 months ago and i was on the verge of loosing my mind. I started having panic and anxiety attacks. I was severly depressed. I felt like giving up, but I have my faith in the Lord and that pulls me threw. look on the brighter side it could be HIV or something terminal. What's next is keep your head up and you keep living your life. Continue to pursue your goals. Stressing and depression causes more outbreaks because it breaks down your immune system so cheer up and keep a wonderful smile on your face!