Herpes Doctor

Hey, I'm sorry to hear your story. I think it is really important for you to understand how important it is for you to focus on the right qualities for starting a good relationship. You say you are attractive, which is good, there is nothing wrong with "icing on the cake", but your good looks and sexuality cannot be the cake. What matters most are inner qualities. That is what makes a stable relationship, not how we look. You cannot "sex" your way into a stable, fulfilling relationship. It sounds like you seriously lack a healthy self-esteem and self confidence. When women go through relationships as the ones you describe, they very often end up feeling the same way that you feel now. But the good news is, it's never to late to start over. Don't forget about your looks, maintain your physical appearance, but also and more importantly, you really need to focus some serious time on your inner self. Focus more on your good, inner qualities and try addapting them into your everyday life and social interactions. Also, IF you ever do become interested in dating again, don't rush things. This is the biggest mistake that many men and women make. Take things slowly, and don't offer your body as if that is all you were good for, because remember, sex isn't the glue that holds things together. You ARE worth something, so treat yourself that way! Sure you want to be respected, but you must first develop respect for yourself. As far as having herpes, yes there are downfalls to having the virus, but it is still not the end of the world. There are many treatments available to help you live a normal life, and also, to help reduce the risks of spreading herpes to your partner. Please discuss these options with your physician.

Hey, I got herpes from by cheating ex, who knowingly infected me, so I know it sucks.(he acted weird also, I to this day wish I had bolted, and listened to my intuition.) I didn't know how I would be able to go through life, in the pain OB's caused, didn't think I would love again. I just decided I was overdue for some me time. Take some time, I needed a whole year of just working out and taking care of me. I found a man who loves me dispite having herpes, he doesn;t even think its a big deal whoatsoever. He caught it from me two years ago and hasn't had another OB since. But life goes on, you will find someone, like i did, We have a beautiful daughter who I naturally birthed, your life will be the same as it was going to be had you not caught herpes, but I think it is normal to take some time to get adapetd to the idea of having this disease. I also had bad luck with men for no aparent reason, I didnt even have a boyfriend till I was 19, and I am also attractive. But for me I realized that after I did meet my now husband, I didn't feel I needed to impress anyone any more (except him) , and was more my joking self around people and it seems like the more I was myself, the more male attention I got. Weird, but, maybe you aren't letting people see your whole self? Also men are intimidated by pretty girls, my husband had a crush on me (we worked together), but had I not asked him out he said he would have never had the balls to do it himself...........I guess in short, herpes shouldn't stop you from achieveng whatever you want in life, or stop you from asking a guy you like out, it is a minor and sometimes major annoyance, but always goes away.(much like our monthy, and hey we girls get through that too. lol.) ANyway , take care of yourself

That's happened to me. No one ever commits, they jsut want sex. I suppose I understand in this lonely world but it's sad. And yeah that was awful of your friend with benefits. If you look liek you came out of STUFF magazinew I don't think you should have a problem. Or being college educated. And some treatments are available you may have simply contracted another disease that is correctable.

It sounds like he is a real "winner," yet you need to understand that having "relationships" with friends as you were, you are prone to contact diseases.I know where you are coming from, as I slept with 15 men in one month, and to this day I am not sure which gave me herpes. Condoms do not protect against everything, dear, so be careful and be selective. If he is being a friend with benefits to you, then he must have other friends of the same nature.

Ive been reading some of the postings on here..in particular the one from singleforever. I'm so very sorry this has been your experience, but please, please don't paint us all with the same brush. Iv'e had HSV for 25 or so years. I first contracted it whilst with my wife to be. To this day I don't know if I got it from her of from other previous partners. We are no longer together now and single life has been very dificult. I'm sure I have never passed on herpes to a partner and I have gone out of my way to prevent doing so. Always I have told my partner I have herpes...which can be very, very painful in itself. Emotionally I am a wreck! And have been for years. More recently though I have met a wonderful, attractive, caring, honest, understanding woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And believe me thats a complete revelation for me...I had almost come to the conclusion I was going to be single, possibly alone, for the rest of my days. We are talking about my HSV, I'm very concious that I cannot have an opinion about what she should do..but I'm so happy she isn't going to leave me. So if you hate men...then maybe I should hate women. I don't...

This is the first time that I've talked about what I think that I have. I have gotten the whole "you have evidence of being exposed to HSV1&2" talk from my doc about 7 months ago. The curious part is that I have never had the classic "outbreak," which is to say, I've never had a blister or yellowish whatever. However, I have been in damn near constant pain for about a year. In November, I was studying for exams and I got out of the shower and looked down right on the underside of my guy and I saw this little cluster of bumps. They weren't crazy looking at all, just some innocuous little bumps, right? I still freaked the fuck out, thinking that something was a bit wrong. Don't get me wrong. I perhaps thought that there might be something completely STD about my behavior at the point that I was. To begin my story at this point only seems appropriate. I am 26. I am from MN and I'm a law student. I attended a top ten university for undergrad. Until this point, it seemed like I had the world was in my hands (albeit from a bit of an underachievers vantage)(sure, i went to a good ugrad, but i'm not one of those crazies who kills themselves for grades). Now. The pain. I first felt it while jerking off (sorry for the lack of medical nomenclature but as you can see i just don't want to make this into a medical lesson). When I would do that, there was this little pain on the right side of my head (lack of a better word...please work with me...) and i completely disregarded it. This would have been about april. By nov., as i said, i saw the whole little dots thing. And there they have stayed. No blistering. No pus. No anything except for the pain that I feel in that little muscle between your thigh and your balls (it's the groin, but I would not want it to be confused with "groin," ya know?). Then there's the pain in the tip of my man just about where the bumps are (and have spread around the crown of my man). I would hope that the euphemism for my penis does not offend. Anyway. I was prescribed acyclovir by my doc and i took it for like 3 months. nothing. but perhaps the nothing was caused by the fact that i like to go out and (let's just say it) drink with my buddies. I'm 26 in one of the best towns in the country. i suppose that i'm just too lazy (and definitely not that organized nor wanting) to become mr hiker/mountain climber/kayaker/whatever club member that i should become. i love to go to baseball games, have a couple (another euphemism) beers when i'm at wrigley or the cell. some of the best times and most engrossing conversations with friends (coworkers, whatever) have occurred under that timeless social lubricant of alcohol. don't get me wrong. it's not that i'm mister drunk all the time, it's just that i love to have a good time with my friends. Jesus, even that sounds like the average crack addict. If you can't tell by now, i'm rambling a bit about this whole experience. And like Ms. "I hate men!," I am struggling with this. It used to be that i thought that i could have a real chance of choosing the woman of my dreams who would love me for who i was. now there is this thing. it kills me every day. i'm at the point where i have this one bedroom place in one of the best neighborhoods in chicago (after having roommates for quite a long time) that i'm really starting to feel lonely. like when you have all sorts of friends with their girlfriends/boyfriends and you just want to have experiences with them on those terms. it's never any fun being "the single guy" all of the time. i just want someone to have a home with, to come home to, spend my time with. is it bad that i would think of this only after having this shit??? i watch my favorite "love" movies (closer, high fidelity, etc.) and i can't help but realize that the angst-filled characters in all of those have shit on my situation. I think that seeing somebody would be a good idea. i haven't told a soul about my situation (as i lie to myself and call it just a 'situation.' How lame/dilusional am i?). I think that it would be great to talk to someone about this. as i think about this prospect, i think about just finding someone who has herpes who is beautiful and funny and smart and wonderful so i can just fall in love with her and forget about all of the bullshit that i have to think about for all too many times.

That's it for now. I'm done.

CM

i might have genital herpes. i dont relaly know yet. but i read the posts that everyone put on here. i'm a 21 year old girl who thinks that her life will be totally ruined if i have this disease. I've made mistakes. It's not even that I'm a slut who's sleeping around with tons of guys. It's that I've not thought about the consequences of things I do. And I don't count the number of drinks I've had (haha). But my relationships have sucked...all I've ever known is guys who lie and cheat and use me. And now if I have herpes I feel like this is it. No more dates, no chance at a relationship, no future of marriage or children. Who would want me now???

I'm sure you are a lovely normal caring attractive educated woman. In my experience of HSV, about 25 years, I have never had one single person with whom I have had a relationship...including both my ex wives tell me they have been exposed to or have herpes.

My ideal situation would have been to meet some-one fall in love get married and spend the rest of my life with her knowing we both had herpes. Can you imagine how it would be if in the early stages of a new relationship, just when you or I are stressing about telling you partner you were infected, finding the right moment...and telling her/him we had herpes...and they look at you...and say "me too"!

Never happens...not in my experience. The only thing good about HSV is that we know we have it.

To get to the point...I would. In a heartbeat. Don't misunderstand I'm not hitting on you. But anyone who can't see past this is shallow and not worth the effort.

And why no more dates...why no more relationships...no future marriage or kids. Of course there is...my two sons were born...carefully, knowing there was a chance my ex might be active. First one born by cesarian...because of herpes...second on born naturally after confirmation of no active infection. They are both healthy and HSV free. No reason they should have it. If they get it in the future it may well be from someone who doesn't know they have it or doesn't care.

Beanie...X

wow- i really enjoyed reading your piece. i relate with it...a lot.
ok, so i'm beautiful, funny smart and have hsv2 (have no idea how it was contracted, but thats another sap story). no-not makin a move on you...i gotta man. but sounds like Ms. I hate men, is beautiful and intriguing...you should holla at her!

whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. i used to hate that saying more than anything else. it was my mother's way of brushing off anything that stressed me out. "this too shall pass" was another saying that i could have happily spent the rest of my life without hearing again.
this was all, however, prior to turning 18 and getting diagnosed with hsv2. i remember when the dr. told me what i had. my reaction was to become very cold and detached for quite a while. when i finally mustered up enough courage to talk to my bestfriend of 10 years what i was going through, it was almost 2 years later. i must admit it helped alot. it is very difficult in the beginning when you feel like no one understands or gets you. its hard to explain why you suddenly need to get as much sleep as possible, cut out drinking and stay in for a while so you can deal with an ob. having someone know and be on your side is invaluble.
i have struggled, as everyone else i'm sure, with the fear that i will end up an old lady with 20 cats because no one will ever want to be with me now. these thoughts consumed me for quite a few years and still pop up now and again. BUT i'm not here to write about how horrible of an experience this has been for me. a question i ask myself frequently: if i could rewind my life, would i have avoided getting this disease? now, if i could retain what i have learned about myself and others through my experiences with hsv2, i would take it back in a heartbeat. HOWEVER, if taking it back would mean i would go back to carelessly choosing my partners, putting off what i wanted to do with my life, defining myself through my sexuality and not knowing how strong i really am, i don't think i would.
i grew up believing that what i had to offer consisted mainly of my looks and sexuality. i guess i always thought i could fall back on that if i chose to forgoe university. i model, so attracting males has never been an issue. my issue was choosing them based on merit. i didn't "sleep around", but my relationships we short intense bursts of intimacy (probably due to heavy hard drug use) that i would end after 3 months or so.
a few years after i was diagnosed, convinced tht i was going to have to provide a life for myself (no man would ever marry me), i enrolled in university. i am currently finishing up my honours in psychology and intend to get my PhD. after dating a man for about 3 months, i told him (albiet clumsily) that i had "something i can't get rid of, but isn't going to kill me", and the guessing game ensued. guess what? his reaction wasn't "you're filthy get away from me" it was "well, i'm not falling in love with whats between your legs, i'm falling for you". it was the most shocking thing ever. for years i was convinced i would NEVER be able to tell someone (i'm very conscious of what i let other people see of me, i've always felt the need to portray perfection), but it actually brought us closer together. i finally let myself be vunerable with someone else. that is something i never did in the past.
i'm so driven now. i have taken this experience and instead of letting it destroy me (which the old me would have), i've let it empower me. when my friends whine and complain or stress over silly things, i'm glad i have this new perspective on life. it's MY perspective. If i had continued on my path of self-destruction, who knows what i could have ended up with. i was lucky to get this wake up call so early in life so i could prevent any further damage i may have done by my lifestyle habits.
what i'm saying to everyone is: live life to the fullest! find out who you are. embrace who you are. i started working on myself (learned how to cook, took up yoga, read books, enrolled in university, became super close with a family i had distanced myself from...) and it's really crazy how the rest of your life follows step. if you become a self confidant, interesting person, people are drawn to that. if someone falls for the real you, they are unlikely to turn you away when you open up. i'm not saying to tell everyone. as i said, i never thought i would (and i knew i would be intimate with someone i didnt tell... so in essence i was planning on being celibate for the rest of my life), but when the time came - i wasn't planning on it - it felt right. guage your partner for their acceptance level. love yourself and be loved.
between the age of 18 and 19 i was diagnosed with hsv2, had a miscarraige, had lower back surgury, was "dumped" by the guy who gave me hsv2 and my roommate kicked me out of my appartment. my personal mantra was: whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger. it didn't kill me. and i am stronger.
some of you may be reading this thinking that i'm overly optimistic or my ob's aren't that bad, because if they were, i wouldn't be talking like this. wrong. anytime i don't take suppressive meds, drink too much, loose sleep or stress out i ob. WITHOUT FAIL. in fact, it's a saturday night and i'm supposed to be at an art show right now but i had an ob on thursday and have been at home since. that sucks. of course it sucks. it's painful and feels like it will never end.
but, as my mother always said: this too shall pass.