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What time is the right time to tell?

Posted July 13th, 2006 by hope and pray
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Knowing for quite awhile about having Genital herpes, I have stayed away from forming any kind or romantic or sexual relationships. The thought of having to tell someone scares me to death. It's killing me inside and I don't know how much longer I can keep it in. I just don't know who to tell. But my main dilemma, I have found someone that I want to peruse a relationship with but am torn on when to tell him. Do I tell him now at the beginning before we get too attached? Or do I wait to see if it will go somewhere. I'm not planning on having any kind of sexual contact with him until I tell him but I still feel that I'm deceiving him if I don't tell him in the beginning. Any advice, I would be so grateful for.

‹ Could my doctor have been wrong??? Just a question ›

Comments

What time is the right time to tell?

On July 30th, 2006 Aurora says:

I have also struggled with this question and with my last relationship I waited a few dates before telling him. I have decided I don't need to tell on the first or second date since those may be the last dates. It is such an emotional decision, and for me quite difficult, but I don't believe I need to share this information if the person I am telling may not even be a potential partner.

I'm nearly at that stage too.

On July 31st, 2006 lido says:

I haven't had intimacy with anyone since I found out I have herpes. I always thought I would be so cool about it if I ever caught herpes, because I had a partner 16 years ago with it and at that time, I read up and familiarised myself with it. I learned that it is just cold sores....BIG DEAL!! (Cold sores with stigma attached, that is)

HOWEVER, now I have it (since 7 months ago), I am terrified of passing it on to some unsuspecting person. I would feel awful if i did that.
I have strong feelings for someone, and he clearly does for me, too, but I don't feel I can allow it to happen because I feel like a pariah. So I keep acting all neutral around him which hurts me every day, and I am sure it confuses and hurts him, too.
I can't live like this forever....so I guess I am just going to have to bite the bullet and be a big girl and confess when/if the time arrives. And arm myself with condoms, of course!!

Hope and Pray....how did you get on with your romance? I hope it all went well for you. Maybe I will be able to draw some inspiration from you....
:-)

ready?

On August 6th, 2006 scoops says:

i think we are all adults and we know before things get heated when we want to have sex with another person. it sounds like you are there. but now the question is...is he gonna stick around or is he going to reject the idea of sex? if he is decent, when you tell him (in a normal, intimate conversation) and if he already plans on sticking around...he should be able to give you an answer that leaves you feeling whole. whatever his response, you should not walk away feeling like less of a person. Come on now, if 70% of Americans have this, and most of us have had 3 or more partners, nearly every sexually active person has come in contact with herpes.
1 in 4 have it. Talk to him...if he is the friend that you feel he is, he won't leave you unsatisfied. good luck

Been ready for ages!!

On August 8th, 2006 lido says:

Thanks for your reply Scoops. Logic tells me you are right. I know you're right, but it still makes me cringe the thought of confessing; it's my first time having to tell, after all!!
I can feel that time is not too far away, and I'm getting all distracted by it - in a good way. Feeling more confident about 'fessing, too...just a little.

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